The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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