im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
