Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
