Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
