Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
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