we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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