im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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