I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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