I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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