Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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