well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
