You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
