I like to think it a success when the cops are called
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
