put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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