Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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