i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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