Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
