zippers are such a cool invention
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
