Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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