I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
