so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Randomize
