I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
