It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
