Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
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