2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
