i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
