In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Randomize
