We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
