I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
