You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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