I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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