I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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