I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
