im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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