ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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