He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
