I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
You ate ashes out of my bong
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