i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I think my vagina is haunted
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
