im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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