You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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