Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
