Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
