I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
