I accidentally burped into my bong.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
