I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
