He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
