Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
