you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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