3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
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