This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
