Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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