I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
