so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Randomize
