but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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